Hi Sophie, it’s me, your future self. I had a baby, and she’s already over 9 months old! I still sound like you, look like you, I’m a bit over the weight you were at but am working on it. I know this will matter to you because you want to fit into those skinny jeans, right? I still like fashion, dancing, acting and overanalysing movies starring Jessica Chastain.
From where I’m standing today, I’m so happy to say that you got through it. Whether I’m talking about your labour, the sleepless nights or just life, you got through it. You are now meeting up with people again, without your baby, making plans, looking back and smiling at all you’ve learned. Here is some perspective, I hope it helps.
Physical health – back to basics
There’s no way around it – you’re going to feel pain, be all sweaty, your stomach muscles will be all weird for a while, you won’t be able to walk straight. Then you’ll gain lots of weight, you’ll lack sleep so you’ll snack all the time and have no time to cook. It will be hard to look at yourself in the mirror sometimes, and you’ll have to buy a new much larger bathing suit. The good news is, in the UK you have the NHS. Not only were your midwives the best during the birth, but they’ll help you find all the information you need. Videos and diet websites will keep popping up on your phone, but go back to basics – the NHS has plenty of information about what a healthy diet contains, how to work those abdominals safely in the first months (and still now, actually): eat fruit and veg, fibre and so on, no more sweet drinks, take long walks, that’s it! Your favourite time of the day is now breakfast, with a hard-boiled egg on toast, a piece of fruit, and coffee. Seriously, it brings you so much joy.
I know you like your yoga, running and dance. In the first weeks, it will hurt to do the “cat-cow” move and you will cry, I’m so sorry about that. My hips still feel very tight. Be gentle with yourself, don’t rush it, you’ll be surprised at how your strength will return. Speaking of crying, let’s talk about post-natal depression (PND).
Mental health – hormones, hormones, hormones
It’s all hormones! They are a beautiful power that helped you birth a baby, but they will also make you cry and feel very lonely. The logical you will know that there are so many other women going through the same thing, but you will keep quiet because you won’t know how to express your emotions. There will be dark moments when you won’t mind dying and others when you’ll have trouble falling asleep because the thought of raising someone properly will paralyse you.
I understand now that PND is like mourning an old part of yourself. From one second to the next, so much changes. Like with any change in life, you need time to welcome the new. Time is the key here, I feel much more accepting now. As I said, you still like the same things, but priorities have shifted.
I think society doesn’t acknowledge enough how shocking this change can be, but how can they when it’s so hard to describe.
The last two years have been difficult for many, and the idea of mental wellbeing has become crucial. In order to have a good day, you’ve learned that you only need a few things: that egg in the morning, fresh air, mild exercise and nutritious food. Ah, and sleep! If you’re lucky, you’ll also have time to declutter, play the piano, do some yoga, have a nice conversation or listen to an inspiring podcast. This doesn’t always happen but you try again the next day. My new motto is “plan to fail but laugh about it”.
Fresh eyes
In “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” (2019), Tom Hanks’ character says that having children allows you to be a child again. This is absolutely true, as you watch the wonder that a baby feels when learning something new. This has brought me to the simple conclusion that we are all babies in big bodies: we need
- Love
- Acknowledgement
- To learn
As adults, any anxiety we may feel is due to a lack of these three things. So let’s wake up our inner children, shall we?
This is just the beginning. I certainly don’t know what will happen when your baby takes her first flight or joins nursery, but as I’ve learned, you just get through it in the moment. Projecting into the future can only create stress which is not meant to be. When the student is ready, the teacher will come.
Reader, thanks for still being here. I’ve been wanting to sit down and write something for months and am pleased to have finally done it. Happy new year, and until next time.